THE TRIANGLE OF INFLUENCE: Part 2

Player. Coach. Parent

Part 2 of 6-Part Series

Part Two: The Minor Hockey Years (Ages 5–13)

What This Stage Is Really About

Minor hockey exists for one primary purpose that too many adults forget: it should be joyful.

Research in youth sport development consistently points to fun and belonging as the leading drivers of long-term athletic participation. kids who fall in love with the game at this stage are the ones who are still playing — and improving — at 16, 18, and beyond.

The pressure to identify talent, to win championships, to play AAA at age nine — this is an adult anxiety being placed onto children's shoulders.

Most player assessments before age 12 tell us very little about long-term potential and a great deal about which kids were born in the fall.

The Coach's Role: Safety, Belonging, Fundamentals

Constructive Contributions

• Creates an environment where every player feels seen and valued, regardless of current skill level

• Teaches the fundamentals of skating, puck handling, and positioning without overloading young minds

• Uses encouragement-based feedback: "Good effort — next time try keeping your head up through the middle"

• Models emotional regulation: stays calm after goals against, celebrates effort as much as outcome

• Gives every player meaningful ice time and avoids early specialization

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Destructive Patterns to Avoid

• Benching younger players as punishment, creating shame instead of learning

• Overcoaching — too many instructions kill instinct and joy

• Showing clear favourites, which fractures team chemistry and harms developing players

• Treating every game as high-stakes when the real learning happens in practice

• Communicating differently to parents behind closed doors than to players on the ice

The Parent's Role: Enthusiastic Supporter

Constructive Contributions

• Shows up and cheers — for every player on the team, not just their own

• Keeps the drive home positive: two positives and one question ("What was your favourite part today?")

• Handles logistics without burdening the child with the cost or inconvenience

• Lets the coach coach — resists the urge to give technical instruction after practices

• Creates a home environment where hockey is one of many rich activities, not the family's entire identity

  
  

Destructive Patterns to Avoid

• Yelling instructions from the stands, which splits the child's attention and increases anxiety

• Post-game debriefs that function as interrogations or critiques

• Comparing their child to teammates or other players

• Living vicariously — projecting their own unmet athletic dreams onto the child

• Undermining the coach's authority, even if they disagree with a decision

  
  

The Player's Experience: Just Let Them Play

At this stage, the player's job is simply to play. They should not be managing adult dynamics. The healthiest young players are those who trust their coach, feel safe with their parents, and show up to the rink because they love being there.

Best Practice: The five-minute rule. For the first five minutes after a game, parents say nothing about the game. Let the player lead. Most of the time, they want to talk about the ice cream stop afterward, not their two-on-one in the second period.